I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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