So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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