is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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