Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize