Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
