Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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