Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
