I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
