I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
