Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
