I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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