Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
