That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
