so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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