When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
