I didn't shave. On purpose
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
