i would punch a child for taco bell
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
