Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
