You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
