I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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