i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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