I can text with my tongue
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
