i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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