I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
