I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
