Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
