I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
