How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
