she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
