I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
