She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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