dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
