no, he came in my armpit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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