she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
