We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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