You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
