I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
