hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
