There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
