How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
