What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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