READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can text with my tongue
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
