My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
