the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
