hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
