Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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