so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
