the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
