just come out here and I will go home with you...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
