Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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