all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
