I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
