You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
