o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.