Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.