Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day