So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.