Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
