Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
