you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
