I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
