My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
