Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
