we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were trust falling into bushes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
