physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
