Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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