she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
