for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
