if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
