We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
