Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
