Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
