Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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