I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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