if only i could text you this smell
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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